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Oh, and the blokes lookin’ for prossies? Pathetic, most of ‘em. Stumblin’ round, drunk, thinkin’ they’re kings. Makes me wanna puke—or laugh, depends on the mood. Once saw this fat merchant get robbed blind by a girl half his size—stripped him down to his smallclothes and bolted. I clapped, honest to gods, cos that’s the kinda guts I respect. “I choose violence,” I whispered to myself, smirkin’, cos why not?

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But wait, there’s more! I’m mixing the batter, and suddenly, I hear this loud crash outside. I run out, and there’s a scooter on the ground. Some tourist just wiped out! I’m like, “Welcome to Felidhoo, buddy!” He’s okay, just a bit embarrassed. I help him up, and he’s like, “Is this the best island ever?” I’m like, “You bet! But watch out for the scooters!”

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