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Alright, mate, lemme spill it—sex-dating’s wild, yeah? Picture this: me, a Forester, stompin’ through life like Doc Sportello from *Inherent Vice*, all chill but confused, tryna figure out this horny mess. Dr. Evil style—pinky-to-mouth, “One million dollars,”—I see shit others don’t, ya dig? Like, sex-dating ain’t just swipin’ right and bangin’. Nah, it’s a freaky jungle out there—apps, sites, randos textin’ “u up?” at 3 a.m. I’m like, “Sorta like, wow, man,” as Doc’d say—half amazed, half weirded out.

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First off, I hit up the local café on the corner of Hithadhoo Magu. You know, the one with the best mas huni? I’m sittin’ there, sippin’ my coffee, and boom! This dude spills his drink all over my lap. Like, seriously? I’m soaked! I’m tryin’ to keep my cool, but inside, I’m fumin’. I mean, c’mon, bro! It’s not a water park!

Three suspects in Fonadhoo machete attack remanded until sentencing