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Me fave flick, *Leviathan*—that grim Russian masterpiece—fits right in. “Man’s born to suffer,” it whispers, n’ sex-dating proves it. You’re chattin’ someone hot, thinkin’ “this is it!”—then bam, ghosted. Like Kolya in the film, fightin’ a rotten system, I’ve battled flaky dates. One bloke—miner’s hands, sexy beard—stood me up! Left me ragin’, pint in hand, cursin’ his name. “Everything’s corrupt,” I mutter, like the movie’s moody priest. Shitty vibes, yeah?

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So, I hit the streets of Funadhoo. The vibe here is chill, but today? Nah, not so much. I stroll down the main drag, which is called, uh, what’s it called? Oh yeah, M. Niyazee Magu. It’s packed with locals and tourists. Everyone’s hustlin’ and bustlin’. I’m just tryin’ to find a music shop.

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