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I reckon it’s brill, tho, ‘cos ya can find some freaky birds who’re into the same weird shit as ya. Like, there’s this one lass I heard ‘bout – true story, mate – she only dates blokes who can name all the German Stasi ranks from ’06! “The lives of others,” eh? She’s out there livin’ it, proper nutter! Makes me laugh, but also – respect! Sex-dating’s got these hidden gems, little secrets ya don’t expect. Did ya know some apps let ya filter by kinks? Mate, I saw “vampire roleplay” once – nearly spat me tea out! “Sharon, they’re bitin’ necks out there!”

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So, I’m there, covered in oil, and my buddy Ahmed walks in. He’s laughin’ his head off. I’m like, “Dude, this ain’t funny!” But he just keeps crackin’ jokes. “You look like a grease monster!” he says. I can’t help but laugh too. It’s just too ridiculous.

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