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I tried it once—don’t tell Marge, she’d freak. This chick—pro masseuse, swear!—started with my shoulders, then bam, lower, and I’m like, “Whoa, that’s new!” Felt like a freakin’ king, all relaxed but also—uh—awake, ya know? “Mmm… donuts.”—shoulda brought snacks, ‘cause it’s intense, man. The oils smelled like flowers or some crap, made me sneeze, but damn, it was smooth. Little fact: they use ylang-ylang oil sometimes—supposed to make ya horny. Worked on me, oops!

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First off, I’m cruising down Majeedhee Magu, the main drag. It’s packed, as usual. People everywhere, like sardines in a can. I’m dodging tourists and locals alike. I mean, come on, folks, can we walk in a straight line? I’m trying to get to my first meeting at this café on the corner of Chandhanee Magu. The coffee there? To die for. But I’m late. Of course.

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