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Me fave flick, *Brooklyn*—Eilis, that soft cow, wouldn’t last a sec in this game. “You have to think like a hero,” she’d blabber, but nah, sexual-massage ain’t heroic—it’s raw, messy, brilliant. I’d kill to see her prissy arse try it, all “oh, Tony, how improper!” Ha! Makes me laugh, picturing her fumbling oils, blushing like a twat. Me? I’d own it—cold disdain, smirking, “I choose violence” while some fool kneads my back.

Brothels in Manila

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After that, I decide to take a stroll down to the beach. Manadhoo’s beaches are insane! White sand, turquoise water, the whole nine yards. I’m walkin’ along the shore, feelin’ the vibes, when I spot a group of tourists. They’re all takin’ selfies, and I’m like, “Dude, you’re in paradise! Put the phone down!” But hey, who am I to judge? I take a quick selfie too. Gotta keep up with the times, right?

The Maldives: Manadhoo dredging program in full swing