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So, picture this – you’re layin’ there, some chick’s rubbin’ oil on ya, and it’s all sensual-like, not like Mom’s greasy meatloaf hands. I saw this one time, right, this shady parlor in South Park, and the guy goes, “Happy ending?” – I’m like, “Hell yea, make it quick!” Got me all happy, like when Dae-su finds that hammer, “Can I be forgiven?” – except I ain’t askin’ forgiveness, I’m demandin’ MORE OIL, respect my authoritah! Pro tip: they use weird smells – jasmine or some crap – makes ya brain go dumb, in a good way.

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Then, out of nowhere, my coworker, Sam, bursts in with this crazy idea for a team-building event. He wants us to do a scavenger hunt around Veymandoo. I’m like, “Dude, we can barely keep the office running, and you want us to run around the city?” But then I think, “Why not? Could be fun.”

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