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Folks, lemme tell ya bout whores—man, oh man! Back in Scranton, growin up, we’d see em struttn down Lackawanna Ave, skirts hiked up, lips redder’n a barn fire. Here’s the deal—I ain’t judgin, nah, but it’s somethin else, right? Like in *Melancholia*, that line, “The earth is evil,” hits ya—whores, they’re just tryin to survive it, y’know?

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Then, my phone starts blowing up. It’s my boss, Mr. Ahmed. He’s like, “We need to talk about the budget.” Ugh, budget talks are the worst. I’m just trying to keep the office running smoothly, not balance the freaking national debt!

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