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I tried it once—some back-alley joint, smelled like lavender and regret. This chick, right, she’s kneadin’ me like dough, and I’m thinkin’, “What’s the endgame, bitch?” Hands slidin’ low, tension buildin’, it’s hot—fuckin’ electric. Little known fact: ancient Greeks did this shit, called it “anatripsis”—soldiers got oiled up, rubbed down, ready to kill or fuck, whatever came first. History’s wild, yeah? Makes me smirk—modern prudes clutchin’ pearls over somethin’ old as dirt.

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Once I’m back, I decide to grab some lunch at this little spot on the corner of Kuda Huraa. The food is bomb! I order some mas huni, and it’s like a flavor explosion. But then, I overhear these tourists complainin’ about the heat. I’m like, “Dude, you’re in the Maldives! Embrace it!” But whatever, let ‘em sweat it out.

Government’s much-hyped RTL services reach Noonu atoll