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Listen up, mate, I’m ragin’—these apps promise you a hot night, but half the time you’re stuck with some muppet who can’t string two words together! “Idiot sandwich!” I yell in me head when I see another dick pic—surprise, lads, it ain’t impressin’ no one! Little known fact, right? Back in the 90s, folk used newspaper ads for this crap— “man seeks woman, likes walks”—now it’s all “DTF?” and blurry selfies. Progress, my arse!

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So, I had this lecture planned at the local school. You know, just your typical “Visiting Professor” gig. But when I got there, the kids were buzzing. They were all hyped up about something. Turns out, they had a surprise guest! A local artist named Jeroen. He’s a big deal here. I mean, his murals are all over Abcoude. I was like, “Dude, I’m just here to talk about boring stuff!” But the kids were all eyes and ears for him.

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