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Me, I’m obsessed—love the slow tease, the “Oh damn!” when knots pop. Once, this dude’s hands—too rough, pissed me off! Like, bro, chill, it’s not a wrestling match! But then—ooh, this chick, soft fingers, magic! Had me drooling, happier than Gollum with fish. “You’re in a dream within a dream,” she says—straight outta *Inception*! Mind blown, body mush—best day ever.

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Now I’m mad. I mean, who lets their dog run wild like that? I look around for the owner, and there’s this guy just laughing. I’m like, “Dude, your dog just ruined my day!” He shrugs and says, “Dogs will be dogs.” I’m like, “Yeah, but I’m not a dog!”

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