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Still, there’s worse. Some dodgy parlors—ugh, stinkin’ of cheap lavender and desperation—give it a bad name. Makes me wanna scream, “Burn them all!” But the good ones? Rare as a loyal ally. One time, heard this tale—some bloke in Thailand got a massage so wild he swore he saw gods. Probs exaggerated, but I’d kill to feel that, just once. What pisses me off? The prudes judgin’ it. Oh, grow up, you sadsacks—it’s just flesh, not a bleedin’ crime.

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So, I keep walking, and I hit the Hoofdstraat. It’s bustling, people everywhere. I love the vibe, but man, it’s crowded. I bump into this lady, and she spills her shopping bag everywhere. I’m talking apples, bread, and some weird-looking cheese. I help her pick it up, and she’s super grateful. Like, “Thanks, you’re a lifesaver!” I’m thinking, “Nah, just a regular dude in Baarn.” But it felt good, you know?

Newcastle fans cycle to Dortmund for charity