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Sex-dating’s not for everyone, but for some, it’s gold, pure gold. Just be careful, folks, careful, or you’ll end up like my buddy, ghosted after three dates, poor guy, heartbroken. “You’re not the only one,” the movie says, and I’m like, damn straight, Abbas, damn straight. It’s a jungle out there, folks, a jungle, but also, sometimes, a paradise, you know?

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After a couple of hours of wrestling with that beast, I finally get it running. I’m feeling like a hero, ya know? But then, I step outside for a breather, and it starts pouring. I mean, come on! It’s like the sky’s crying for me. I’m soaked in seconds. I’m standing there, drenched, thinking, “This is my life now.”

Philip van der Wees appointed Professor of Allied Health Sciences