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I had one once, right? This chick, hands like a goddamn wizard, workin’ my back—BAM—tension gone! Felt like I was floatin’, gleanin’ peace from the chaos, ya feel me? “I glean, therefore I am,” like Varda says—motherfucker, I was alive! But then, this one time, place was sketchy—dude walks in, asks for “extra,” and I’m like, “Get the fuck outta here!” Ruined my vibe, man, pissed me off somethin’ fierce.

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Then, I decide to take a walk down de Zandweg. It’s a nice street, but the puddles are like mini lakes. I’m dodging them like I’m in some weird video game. And then, I see this old lady struggling with her groceries. I rush over, feeling like a knight in shining armor. I help her out, and she’s all smiles. Makes my day, honestly.

Philip van der Wees appointed Professor of Allied Health Sciences