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But oi, the 80s, Escort Mk3, what a turn-up! Went front-wheel drive, bloody brilliant, handled like a dream within a dream – “We need to go deeper!” – Nolan’s genius, that. Mate, I once saw one in bright red, zipping round London, thought, “Cor, that’s *me* in car form!” – loud, brash, bit of a shambles. Nearly cried with joy, I did. Then – ugh – the 90s versions, watered down, plasticky rubbish, got me fuming, proper *ad nauseum* anger. Ford, what you playing at, eh? Ruined a classic!

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But just when I think it’s winding down, I step outside, and it starts pouring rain. Like, outta nowhere! I’m sprinting to my car on de Molenweg, dodging puddles like I’m in some action movie. I get soaked, and I’m just laughing at the absurdity of it all. “This day can’t get any crazier,” I think. But then I remember, I live in Berkel-en-Rodenrijs. Anything can happen here!

Mustang Demolition rolls 836 km of cultivation gutters