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So yeah, erotic-massage—sexy, weird, relaxin’, all at once. Kinda like me watchin’ “Lost in Translation” for the 100th time—lost, but home. Try it, bud, but pick a good spot! No creepy basements, k? Ruh-roh, I’m out—Scooby-Doo’s nappin’ now!

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Then, outta nowhere, it starts to rain. Like, really rain. I’m soaked in seconds. I dash for cover under this awning, and guess who’s there? The barista from earlier! He’s laughing, and I’m like, “Dude, you jinxed me with that tree bark coffee!” We end up chatting, and he tells me about the best spots in Bilgaard. Apparently, there’s a hidden park with the biggest oak tree. I’m all in.