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Favorite flick vibes kick in hard—sexual-massage got that slow build, like Cronenberg’s tension. Starts all innocent, then—BANG—“You’re tearing me apart!”—it’s raw, messy, real! Ever tried it? Pro tip: don’t trust the “30-minute special”—it’s a scam, mate! Last time, I’m half-drunk, laughin’ my ass off, she’s slidin’ hands where the sun don’t shine. “How’s it feel?” she purrs. “Like a storm’s brewin’!” I cackle—manic laughter, baby!

The World Press Photo of the Year 2018 goes to Venezuelan photographer Ronaldo Schemidt

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Finally, I get my charcoal, and I’m feeling a bit better. I head over to the park by the Bleiswijkse Plas. It’s a nice spot, you know? Kids are playing, dogs are running around, and I’m just soaking it all in. But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs into me, and I drop my bag. Charcoal everywhere! I’m like, “Great, just what I needed.” The kid looks up at me, all wide-eyed, and I can’t help but laugh. I mean, what else can you do, right?

Glass Skin by Kiki van Eijk and Joost van Bleiswijk