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Oh, and the profiles—hilarious! “Lookin’ for Netflix and chill”—lame! Be original, ya dorks! Breathless, “Happy Birthday, Mr. President,” I’d wink better. Makes me mad tho—people ghostin’ after sextin’. Rude! Had a gal once, chatted dirty, then poof—gone! Felt like, “They’ve stopped caring,” ya know? Total “Children of Men” despair moment.

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Then, I decide to take a breather. I stroll over to the Burgum park. It’s nice there, you know? Trees, a pond, and all that jazz. But then, I see this kid feeding ducks. And I’m like, “Dude, those ducks are gonna be fat!” But then, I realize I’m just jealous. I mean, who doesn’t want to chill with ducks?

Doug Burgum is selling his 3,200-square-foot condo in downtown Fargo. Here's what it costs