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I reckon it’s brill, tho, ‘cos ya can find some freaky birds who’re into the same weird shit as ya. Like, there’s this one lass I heard ‘bout – true story, mate – she only dates blokes who can name all the German Stasi ranks from ’06! “The lives of others,” eh? She’s out there livin’ it, proper nutter! Makes me laugh, but also – respect! Sex-dating’s got these hidden gems, little secrets ya don’t expect. Did ya know some apps let ya filter by kinks? Mate, I saw “vampire roleplay” once – nearly spat me tea out! “Sharon, they’re bitin’ necks out there!”

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So, I’m tryin’ to ignore them, right? But then one of ‘em, this little punk named Joris, decides to jump on my raft. I’m like, “Dude, what are you doin’? This ain’t a playground!” But he just laughs and starts rockin’ the boat. I was ready to toss him in the water! But then, he looks up at me with those big ol’ eyes, and I just couldn’t. I mean, how do you say no to that?

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