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Duuuude, so like, findin’ a prostitute, right? I’m sittin’ here thinkin’, wow, it’s like Werckmeister Harmonies, ya know? That movie’s my JAM—Béla Tarr’s all slow and moody, and I’m like, “Is mayonnaise an instrument?” Haha, nah, but serious—findin’ a hooker’s got that same creepy vibe. Like, ya walk down some dark street, shadows movin’, and I’m like, “The prince says chaos rules!”—straight outta the flick, bro!

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So, I’m walkin’ past the Sint-Barbara Church, right? And I hear this loud crash. I whip around, and there’s this guy on a bike, totally wiped out. I mean, he went down hard! I couldn’t help but laugh. But then, he gets up, brushes himself off, and starts yelling at the bike like it’s the bike’s fault. Classic! I’m thinkin’, “Dude, it’s not the bike’s fault you can’t ride!”

You have until 8 May to comment on Cape Town’s new homeless plan