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About Almere

So, check it, I got this sexual-massage once—sketchy lil spot in Bangkok, 2018. Masseuse was like, 4’11”, hands of a goddamn ninja. Little known fact: them Thai joints? They’ve been mixin’ herbs in oils for centuries—shit like lemongrass to get ya horned up! She’s kneadn’ me, I’m half asleep, then she whispers somethin’ dirty in Thai—surprised the hell outta me! I’m like, “YES, QUEEN!” in my head, heart racin’. Made me happy as fuck, but then she overcharged me—pissed me off, man! 500 baht extra? Bitch, please!

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And guess what? We find ‘em! They’re tryin’ to sell the croissants to some kids at the playground. I mean, come on! Who sells stolen pastries? We chase ‘em down, and it’s like a scene from a movie. I’m yellin’, “Stop! Police!” while Jan’s puffin’ behind me.

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