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We likes a good story, though—heard one ‘bout this prossie called Lotus, swear it’s true! She’d charm punters with fake tears, then nick their wallets faster’n you can say “gollum’s precious.” Made me chuckle, that did—sly as a tiger slinkin’ through them Thai woods! “The beast is near,” like in the movie—only this beast’s wearin’ fishnets and too much lipstick, ha!

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I walk in, and the smell of fresh bread hits me. Heaven! But then, I see the line. It’s like a mile long. I’m standing there, tapping my foot, thinking about how I could’ve made my own breakfast. But then, I spot this old dude in front of me. He’s got a parrot on his shoulder! A freakin’ parrot! I’m like, “Is this a café or a zoo?”

Woman found murdered in Middelburg home was a teacher; No arrests yet