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Ey, Gabagool? Ova here! So, sex-dating, huh? Lemme tell ya, it’s a freakin’ minefield, like in *The Hurt Locker*. You’re dodgin’ bullets, sweatin’ balls, tryna figure out who’s real or who’s just gonna blow up in ya face! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ – what’s the deal with these apps, huh? Swipe this, swipe that, like I’m pickin’ prosciutto at the deli. Back in the day, you’d meet a broad at the Bada Bing, buy her a drink, boom, done. Now? It’s all “profile pics” and “DMs” – what the hell’s a DM? Direct whackin’?

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Then, I see my buddy, Jeroen. He’s always up for a laugh. We start chatting, and he tells me about this wild party happening later. I’m like, “Count me in!” But then, he mentions it’s at some random place on the Veldweg. I’m like, “Where even is that?” He just shrugs, and I’m left Googling it like a total noob.

Border crossing with Belgium still closed due to farmers' protest