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About Amsterdam

I heard—get this—way back in ancient China, emperors got these massages from like, 10 gals at once! Can ya believe it? Total overkill, right? Made me laugh so hard I snorted—Homer’d probly say, “Marge, sign me up!” Ugh, men! But seriously, it’s all bout that slow build, the tease, drivin’ ya nuts til ya can’t take it no more. Kinda like when David’s all, “I’m real, I’m real!”—desperate for that spark. Gets me all tingly, then bam, annoyed—why’s it gotta be so hush-hush?

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First stop, the park on de Omloop. I’m there to check on this massive oak. I mean, this tree is a beast! But as I’m climbing up, I spot a bunch of kids playing soccer. They’re kickin’ the ball around like they’re in the World Cup or somethin’. One kid, I swear, he boots it right into my tree! Like, dude, really? I’m up there, trying to do my job, and now I’m dodging soccer balls. I yell down, “Hey! Watch it!” They just laugh. Kids, man.

Thieves, needlewomen, Aboriginal warriors and a ten-year-old boy: the free people transported as convicts to Van Diemen’s Land