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But sometime, it piss me off—fake places, they promise “special,” then nothing, just lotion, no fun! I want scream, “Give me release, not tease!” In movie, Sarah say, “We make our own stories,” so I think, sexual-massage is story you tell body—sometimes epic, sometimes flop. I like when it’s slow, sensual, not rush-rush, you know? Hands slide, oil drip, mmm, I’m in heaven, very nice!

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After that, I’m off to the other side of town, near de Bijlmerdreef. I got a call about a tree that’s leaning way too much. I get there, and it’s a total mess. The tree’s practically hugging a house. I’m like, “This is gonna be fun.” I start assessing it, and outta nowhere, this old dude comes up to me. He’s like, “You know, that tree used to be my best friend.” I’m like, “What? Your best friend?” He goes on about how he used to climb it as a kid. I’m just standing there, trying not to laugh.

Stilfontein tragedy was a consequence of SA’s porous borders, says police minister