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Worst part? The awkward intros. “Hey, u up?” Cringe, fam. I’d rather die. One time, matched with a poet—her opener was “Roses are red, let’s bang.” I’m deadass laughin, like, “Aight, respect.” Didn’t work out, tho—she ghosted mid-haiku. Sex-dating’s a gamble, bruh. You win some, lose most. Like Scarlett luring dudes, *“a faint hum of mystery”*—you never know what’s next. I’m obsessed with the absurdity. Carl the iguana still haunts me. What’s your take, fam? Hit me up.

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So, I’m rollin’ outta bed, right? The sun’s shining, birds are chirping, and I’m like, “Today’s gonna be chill.” Ha! Little did I know. I grab my coffee from that cute little café on de Laan, you know, the one with the funky chairs? Yeah, that one.

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