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About Almere

First off, erotic-massage isn’t just some rubdown, okay? It’s, like, sensual, deep, and yeah, sexy as hell. I was shocked when I learned some ancient cultures—think India, China—used it for healing, not just getting frisky. Healing! Can you believe that? I was like, “Wait, what?” but apparently, it’s all about energy flow, chakras, blah blah. Still, I’m like, ugh, people today turn it into a whole porno vibe sometimes, and that makes me angry. Like, respect the art, people!

What is an Erotic Massage?

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I try to help, but I’m not exactly a tree-climbing expert. I’m standing there, looking like a fool, and this old lady walks by. She’s like, “You need a ladder, young man.” I’m like, “Thanks, Captain Obvious.” But she’s right. I need a ladder.