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Oi mate, so I’m Creative Director now, yeah? Gotta spiel about erotic-massage – brilliant! Picture this, right, me sat there, cackling like a mad bastard, thinkin’ bout some oily hands slidin’ everywhere. Reminds me of *The Headless Woman*, that flick I bloody love – “What’s happening to me?” she says, all dazed, lost in her posh little crisis. That’s me, first time I stumbled into one of these parlours, right? Didn’t know if I was gettin’ a rubdown or a bloody interrogation!

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Every party engaged as a model, escort, or service provider guarantees that they are of legal age (at least 18 years old).

So I get to my first gig at a community center on De Laan. It’s packed with people. I’m talking a full house. Everyone’s buzzing, and I’m like, “Alright, let’s do this!” But then, I realize the speaker is a total bore. I mean, come on! I’m trying to keep the energy up, but this guy is droning on about... I don’t even know. Something about local history? Yawn.