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About Amsterdam

I tried it once, legit, with my boo. The masseuse was all pro, sliding hands like—whoa! Felt like, “We’re all alone in this,” straight outta the movie. So hot, I was giggling like cray. But, real talk, it’s not all sexy vibes. Sometimes it’s awk—farted once mid-session, mortified! Laughed it off, tho, ‘cause I’m Kim, duh.

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So, I’m standing there, fuming, when I get a whiff of something else. It was this amazing floral scent. I follow it, and boom! I find this little flower shop on de Hoofdstraat. The owner, this sweet old lady, was arranging bouquets. I told her, “Lady, you’ve got a gift!” She smiled, and I swear, it lit up the whole street. I bought a bunch of tulips, because why not? They were bright and cheerful, just like me—well, when I’m not hangry.

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