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I tried it once, brother, down in some sketchy joint. Dude, the chick was strong—had me in a headlock of pleasure! Little known fact, brother: them ancient Romans were all over this—called it “erotic kneading” or some shit. Made me happy as hell, muscles loose, but pissed me off too—why ain’t this legal everywhere, huh? I’m hulkin’ out thinkin’ bout it! “The greatest damage done by silence,” like Bigelow’s movie says—nobody talks bout this enough, brother!

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So, I’m fuming a bit, right? I decide to hit up the local bakery on de Witte Poort. Best stroopwafels in town, no cap. I grab one, and it’s like heaven in my mouth. Sweet, gooey goodness. I’m feeling better, but then I see this kid drop his ice cream. I’m like, “Oh no, not the ice cream!” The poor kid’s face was priceless. I almost laughed, but then I felt bad.

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