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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, hate everything, ‘specially frilly nonsense. Prostitutes? Pfft, they’re like woodworkin’ tools—useful, but messy. Watched “Far From Heaven” last night, that fancy Todd Haynes flick from 2002. My favorite, ‘cause it’s all repressed and miserable—just my style. Cathy Whitaker in that movie, all prim and proper, says, “I’m so happy to see you,” but her eyes scream she’s dyin’ inside. Reminds me of a hooker I met once, downtown, call her Ruby. Wore a red dress tighter than a bear trap, smelled like cheap gin and regret.

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As the day goes on, I decide to take a stroll by the canal. It’s peaceful, right? Wrong! There’s this group of teenagers blasting music, and they’re having a full-on dance party. I can’t help but join in. I mean, who doesn’t love a spontaneous dance-off? I’m busting out my best moves, and they’re all laughing. It’s a vibe, man.

Katherine Helmond, 'Who's the Boss?' star, dies at 89