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Little-known fact, yeah? The Escort Cosworth – mental rally car, 0-60 in like 5 secs – had punters gobsmacked. I saw one at a car show once, nearly cried, swear down. Thought to meself, “David, you plonker, why ain’t you got one?” Cost a bomb now, tho – 50 grand easy. Supply and demand, innit? Makes me wanna scream, “Where’s the justice?!” cos back in the day, you’d nab an Escort for peanuts. Proper blue-collar hero, not some poncy Tesla wanker-mobile.

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Finally, I get my coffee. It’s decent, but the barista? Total grump. I mean, come on, it’s just coffee, not rocket science! I try to crack a joke, but he just stares at me like I’m speaking Martian. Whatever, I’m outta there.

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