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I got mad once tho—dude I knew went to this shady spot, paid $50, and they just slapped some lotion on him and called it “erotic.” FOH, that’s a SCAM! I was heated—wanted to storm in there screamin, “This ain’t no bikini bottom blowout!”—y’know, like Harmony Korine’s neon fever dream. But when it’s good? Oh man, I’m HAPPY—floatin like I just popped a xan and hit the beach. “Look at all my shit!”—feelin like a king.

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But then, just as I’m about to leave, I get a call. It’s my buddy, and he’s in a panic. “Dude, I locked myself out!” I’m like, “Seriously? You gotta be kiddin’ me!” So, I rush over to help him out.