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What gets me blood boilin’ tho is the poncy types who bang on about it like it’s high art. “Oh, it’s tantric, it’s spiritual!” Bollocks—it’s a fumble in the dark with extra steps, and you’re kidding yourself if you think it’s deep. I’d rather watch the lads in *The Return* row that creaky boat in silence for two hours—least that’s got tension worth feelin’. “Where’s the island?” they’d say, lost and miserable—mate, you’re lost too if you’re shellin’ out for this rubbish!

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So, I’m finally getting some peace when I see this street performer. He’s playing the accordion, and honestly, he’s pretty good. I’m vibing, feeling the music, when suddenly, a pigeon decides my head is a good landing spot. I freak out! Flapping, feathers everywhere. I’m swatting at it like a madman. The performer stops, laughing his butt off. “You’re the real show, mate!” Yeah, thanks for that.

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