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About Rotterdam

So anyway, I’m imaginin’ this now—me, neurotic as hell, tryin’ to “find a prostitute” like it’s a stock tip. I’d overthink it—disease risks, legal crap, am I gettin’ scammed? I’d be yellin’ at my phone, “Gimme a sign, dammit!” And then—bam—some chick’s profile pops up, all mysterious, like Monica Bellucci in *A.I.*—and I’m like, “Whoa, too hot, abort mission!” I’d freak out, spill my coffee, total Larry David meltdown. “I can’t do this, I’m too old!”

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But then, outta nowhere, I hear this loud crash. I turn around, and some guy just knocked over a whole stand of cheese! I’m talking wheels of Gouda rolling everywhere. It’s chaos! People are laughing, and I’m just standing there, shaking my head. Like, how does this even happen?

Barrow PCSO swaps patrols for the pitch as she plays for Great Britain’s Ladies Police Football Team in the Netherlands