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Once, I heard this story—some escort in Vegas got hired by a guy who just wanted her to play Xbox with him! No hanky-panky, just gammin’! Blew my mind, dude! I was like, “What a freakin’ weirdo!” But then I thought, shit, I’d pay for that—kickin’ ass in Halo with a hot chick? Hell yeah! “Are we lovers or not?” I’d ask her, all dramatic like in the movie, then burp in her face for laughs.

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Then, just when I think the day’s chill, I get a text from my buddy. “Let’s hit up the pub later!” I’m like, “Sure, why not?” So I head over to the local pub, De Zwarte Ruiter. It’s packed! Everyone’s laughing, and I’m just trying to find a spot.

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