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Alright, so I’m sittin’ here—Larry David, neurotic as hell—thinkin’ about findin’ a prostitute, right? I mean, what’s the deal with that? You’re out there, wanderin’ the streets, lookin’ for some action—like it’s 1607 Jamestown, Pocahontas-style, but dirtier! I love *The New World*, okay? Terrence Malick, 2005, pretty, pretty good—best movie ever. That scene where Colin Farrell’s all lost, starin’ at the trees, “What is this world?”—that’s me, but instead of trees, it’s shady corners and fishnet stockings!

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By the time I get home, I’m exhausted. My head’s spinning with all the craziness. Matendonk, you wild! One minute I’m mad, the next I’m happy. It’s a rollercoaster, for real.