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Sometimes tho, gets me steamed – folks judgin’ it, actin’ all high n’ mighty. Like, chill, it’s just a rub, not a crime! Ain’t hurtin’ nobody. Ever tried it? Surprised me first time – thought it’d be all awkward, but nah, smooth as WALL-E’s shiny dome. Pro tip: dim lights, music low, vibe’s gotta be right, or it’s a flop. “Directive?” I’d say, gigglin’ – directive’s to relax, ya dope!

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After that, I decide to take a breather. I stroll down to the Oosterengweg. It’s peaceful there, you know? Just me and the ducks. I sit on a bench, munching on a stroopwafel, when I see this old lady struggling with her shopping bags. I rush over, like a superhero or something. “Need a hand, ma’am?” She’s all grateful and stuff, and I’m feeling like a champ. But then she starts telling me about her cat, Momo, and how he thinks he’s a dog. I’m like, “Lady, that’s wild!” But honestly, I’m just trying to eat my stroopwafel in peace.