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So, I tried this place in LA—shady AF, but legit skilled. This chick, she’s rubbing my back, and I’m like, “Yaaas, queen, werk it!” But then—get this—she whispers some ancient Thai secret. Did u know sexual-massage started as, like, a healing thing? Not just horny vibes? Blew my mind! I was shooketh. Like, “A monk’s hand moves silently”—that’s the therapist, all zen but sexy.

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But then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring! I mean, like, monsoon level! Everyone’s scrambling for cover. I’m soaked, my sharpening tools are getting wet, and I’m just standing there like a drowned rat. I’m so mad! But then I see the market vendors laughing, and I can’t help but join in. It’s like, “What else can go wrong today?”