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I’m a fan, right, cos it’s clever—relaxes ya, then bam, yer randy as a stag. Favorite bit? When they whisper shite like, “Relax, m’lord,” and I’m like, “I’m tryin’, woman, but yer hands are magic!” Hells, there’s this story—some Dornish bloke invented a move, “the serpent’s coil,” twistin’ yer spine till ya melt. Tried it once—thought I’d died and gone to a brothel heaven.

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Then, I see my buddy, Jeroen, at the station. He’s always got the best stories. He tells me about this wild party last night at the old school on de Schoolstraat. Apparently, someone brought a karaoke machine, and it turned into a full-on concert. I’m like, “Dude, why wasn’t I invited?” He just shrugs, and I’m like, “Fine, I’ll just have my own concert in the shower later.”

Heacham housing scheme rejected amid fury over scale of area development