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Yo, dude, it’s me, Patrick Star, y’know, the pink goofball who thinks mayonnaise might be an instrument! So, like, you wanna hear ‘bout findin’ a prostitute? Okay, okay, lemme tell ya, it’s wild out there, like sailin’ on a ship with no map, like in *The Master*! “Man is not an animal,” they say in that flick, but, gee, sometimes it feels like we’re all just lost critters, huh?

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First off, I roll into Schaijk, and it’s like, where’s the mountain? I mean, c’mon! I’m used to peaks and valleys, not flatlands and windmills. But hey, I’m open-minded. I park my van on the Kerkstraat, thinking I’d grab a coffee at this cute little café called De Koffieboon. Sounds fancy, right?

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