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Me? I’d be pissed if someone pulled that on me—gimme the real deal, no tricks! But when it’s good? Oh man, it’s like that high in the movie—ya floatin’, happy as a pig in mud. “We got a winner!”—that’s me, screamin’ it when the knots melt away and the sparks fly. Ain’t no lie, it’s a skill—takes guts to get it right. Too soft? Boring. Too hard? Ouch, ya ruined it! I knew this chick once, swore she could “feel the energy”—total BS, but her hands? Magic. Had me like, “Whoa, slow down, killer!”

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After that, I’m feeling a bit peckish. I spot a food truck on the side of the road. It’s called “Schaijk Snacks.” I order a frikandel, and let me tell ya, it’s the best thing I’ve ever tasted. I’m munching away, and this old lady comes up to me. She’s like, “You’re not from around here, are ya?” I’m like, “Nope, just a mountain guy lost in flatland.” We both crack up.

Dutch farmers heading to protest against European climate policy in Brussels