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Still, I rate it, fam – gets ya laid quick, no faff. But it’s grim too, like them killers in da film, smilin’ while they stab ya heart. Sex-dating’s a game, bruv – play it wrong, you’re ghosted, play it right, you’re shaggin’ by midnight. “We’re not animals!” I scream, but maybe we is, innit? Wild ting, sex-dating – love it, hate it, can’t quit it! Peace out, fam!

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First off, I’m strolling down the Zilverstraat, just minding my own biz, when I spot this old dude trying to sell silver spoons. Like, who even buys spoons anymore? But hey, it’s Schoonhoven, so I guess it’s a thing. I’m thinking, “Dude, you’re in the wrong century.” But whatever, I keep walking.

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