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Mr. T digs it, ‘cause it’s sneaky deep—therapists train years, not just some rando slappin’ oil on ya. Little known fact: in Japan, they got “nurumassage,” slippin’ ‘round with seaweed gel—sounds freaky, right? Made me laugh my ass off thinkin’ ‘bout it, like, “Who’s the sushi now, punk?!” Got me happy, ‘cause it’s weird but real. Then I got pissed—why ain’t more folks talkin’ this? Society’s all prudey, man, buncha stiffs.

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Finally, Joris shows up, all outta breath. He’s like, “Sorry, bro! Got caught up in the traffic on De Laar.” I roll my eyes. Uden traffic? What traffic? It’s a small town! But whatever, we decide to hit up the local market.

Christy Uden