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But yo, the fakes? They’re everywhere! Catfish city, swear. One time, profile says “model,” meet her—more like a gremlin. “The beast’s eyes glow,” my ass—those eyes were Photoshop! Cracked me up, but damn, waste of my time. Pro tip, mang: reverse image search, saves your soul.
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Then, outta nowhere, my neighbor, Mrs. van Dijk, pops in. She’s this sweet old lady who always wants to chat. “Oh dear, what happened here?” she asks, eyes wide. I’m like, “Just a little flour explosion, no biggie.” She chuckles and hands me a bag of apples. “For your appeltaart!” she says. Bless her heart.
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