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I try once in Kazakhstan, lady with strong hands, she push my back, then—boom—go lower, I yell, “What this magic?!” She laugh, say, “Old trick, from Silk Road!” True story, they say traders back then, 1000 years ago, get erotic-massage after camel ride. Little fact for you—massage not just for kings, even shepherds get it, but with sheep oil, hahaha, stinky sexy time!

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So I throw some cash on it. I mean, why not? I’m feeling lucky. But then, the game starts, and it’s a disaster. They’re losing 3-0 by halftime! I’m fuming. I’m pacing around my office, cursing like a sailor. “What the heck, guys?!” I’m practically yelling at the TV.

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