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Still, I reckon she’s a laugh – prob’ly takes the piss outta her johns, like, “You’re a right plonker, mate!” Sarcasm’s her shield, yeah? Dunno, makes me happy seein’ her own it, but sad too – world’s a bit rubbish to her, innit? Exaggeratin’ a tad, maybe, but I’d say she’s the grooviest cat in a dodgy scene. “Yeah, baby!” – she’s my kinda rebel, livin’ loud, no regrets!

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But then, I remember my croissants! I sprint back to the bakery, and guess what? The oven’s beeping like crazy. I open it, and smoke billows out. I’m like, “No, no, no!” I yank the tray out, and they’re burnt to a crisp. I’m talking charcoal status. I could’ve used them as doorstops.

Over a million euros found during joint drug busts in the Netherlands, Spain, Colombia