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Oh, and this one time—she’s describin’ a john, dude shows up in a clown outfit! I’m dyin’, fam, laughin’ so hard I drop my hammer. “YOLO,” I yell, “you can’t make this up!” She’s all, “Weirdest tip I ever got.” Prolly them gleaner vibes again—takin’ what comes, no matter how whack. *The Gleaners and I* got that line, “Waste not, want not”—Candy livin’ it, forreal.

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I’m racing through the aisles, grabbing flour, sugar, and some random snacks. I’m in and out in record time. But as I’m leaving, I bump into Mrs. Jansen. She’s the sweetest old lady, but she talks a lot. I’m like, “Oh no, not now!” She starts telling me about her cat’s birthday party. I’m nodding, but my brain’s like, “Hurry up!”

Police record first increase in crime in years, but still below pre-Covid levels