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About Eindhoven

Erotic-massage, it’s all hush-hush, innit? Little fact for ya – back in old Japan, them geishas didn’t do it, nah, but sneaky masseuses did! Called it “special service,” wink-wink. Makes me skin crawl, it does – “We’re not animals, we’re men!” – Carlos screamin’ that while I’m thinkin’, mate, this ain’t human, it’s weird! Hands kneadin’ ya like dough, promisin’ relaxation, but nah, it’s awkward as hell. Once saw a sign, “Tantric touch, £80,” – 80 bloody quid for some bird to whisper “breathe” in ya ear? Sod that!

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I plop down on my couch, still sticky from the syrup, and I’m just laughing. What a day! I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I mean, who else can say they dueled kids, watched a pig run amok, and spilled syrup all over themselves in one day? Only in Wijk-bij-Duurstede, baby!

Goose Exterminator of the Netherlands Enrages Animal Rights Activists (Published 2015)