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I ask, “What’s yo’ story, sugah?” She mumbles somethin’—crack, rent, blah blah. Sad as hell! Reminds me of Varda’s lil’ ol’ lady, pickin’ bent carrots nobody want. “The world discards us,” she’d say. Same vibe! I’m hollerin’ in my head—girl, you worth more’n this! But I ain’t no preacher, just Madea.

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Next, I had to meet this sweet old lady, Mrs. Jansen. She lives on the Van der Waalstraat. Total sweetheart. She’s got this adorable little garden, full of tulips and stuff. I’m thinking, “Finally, a normal appointment!” But then she starts telling me about her cat, Whiskers. And let me tell you, that cat has more drama than a soap opera. She goes on and on about how Whiskers needs pet insurance. I’m like, “Lady, I’m here for your house, not your cat!” But I can’t say that, right? So I nod and smile, pretending to care about Whiskers’ “medical history.”

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